When your man is vulnerable… how do you handle it?
I am frequently asked, “what is it like being vulnerable with someone?” I’m going to tell you a vulnerable story about something that happened this week with me and my man (who is the perfect man for me).
I’ve been learning over the last couple of years what it means to be vulnerable in relationships and how important that is.
Something that I didn’t used to understand that I now very, very much so understand, is that when we are vulnerable in relationship with someone, it creates safety, and it also creates the ability to share and feel empathy with others.
What Does Vulnerable Mean?
Did you know that being vulnerable can be defined as “being susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm?”
One would think this would make sense why one would consider vulnerability to be a weakness.
Is being vulnerable with someone even an option if vulnerability is perceived as a weakness?
Also, being vulnerable has even been defined in some cases as “open to assault, difficult to defend”.
No wonder why one would refuse their vulnerability and stifle with fear!
If being vulnerable with someone meant you were waiting to be assaulted and would have difficulty defending yourself from that assault, would you choose to be vulnerable with someone still? Probably not.
Vulnerability is Powerful!
Thing is, vulnerability, to me, is powerful.
In like manner, being vulnerable with someone is letting them see the deepest, rawest parts of you while risking the chance of them hurting you with it, but you giving them that chance anyway.
Of course, best case scenario is you are safe to do so with that person, meaning that person you already know based of experience would not harm you or try to. Not only is there beauty in the risk, but there is beauty in being so sure of yourself that you perceive your vulnerability as powerful or beautiful, or both, or even more than that!
- Being vulnerable with someone means they can hurt you with your vulnerability because what is vulnerable is what you hold close to your heart. A part of you or parts of you that hold emotions powerful enough to move you, influence you, and have you act in a, in some cases, in drastic measures. Powerful enough to make or break you. Powerful enough to fuel your enough to fuel your authentic self, to create, to forgive, to connect, to FEEL.
- Walking around with your heart out on your sleeve, showing everyone what it is, what it may look like, and where it is, is being vulnerable. Your heart which can bring you life, or end it. Be that as it may, you place your trust in others in that moment. You trust them not to stop the blood from flowing in your body, but rather that they will acknowledge it is there. Maybe they will protect it and respect it. Perhaps they will leave it alone.
How do you handle when someone is vulnerable with you?
When you’re being vulnerable, how would you expect someone to handle you? Vulnerability is so important especially in a relationship. If your man opens himself up and chooses to be vulnerable with you, how do you handle it?
My boyfriend wasn’t responding to my text. I began thinking, ‘ well… i know he’s busy with his kids…. and.. I know he had a class… and… he may have been driving.. ‘
BEING VULNERABLE WITH SOMEONE
On the other hand, this vulnerability that he did with me was so different from anything I’ve ever experienced in the past. It was amazing to realize that I’ve created a relationship with a man who
- Is able to be vulnerable with me,
- There is enough safety that he could do that
THE KEYS TO CREATE CONNETION WITH VULNERABILITY
In my relationship workshops and my coaching, I teach people about how when you empathize with someone else who’s hurting, you realize what you’ve done to hurt them.
You actually can repair the relationship right in that moment and with the other person. Instant forgiveness happens when they see you feel them. Which is exactly what happened. I created something different, something new by being vulnerable with someone.
- Create a SAFE space – so they can be vulnerable with you
I knew I had created a space that’s safe enough to be vulnerable when he said, “Hey Heather, you know you hurt my feelings when you didn’t reply to my texts.”
- Empathize with the person who is hurting
I was like, “Oh man! I hurt your feelings? I don’t want to hurt your feelings! That’s horrible! I really messed up by not replying to your texts.”
Not only did I have the ability to empathize with him, but also the air cleared so quickly.
Whereas, I’ve had relationships in the past (maybe you can relate to this) where lets say you didn’t text your partner, for example, and instead of saying, “Hey my feelings are hurt. Are you ok?”
Maybe your partner says something like, “You didn’t text me all day! You don’t care about me!” blah blah blah and they start criticizing who you are as a person.
It’s like emotional gymnastics to try to reply to that person with empathy and try to understand how they’re feeling when they’re attacking you.
- They feel HEARD and SEEN
- Instant forgiveness happens
With this intention, the really incredible thing is realizing you’re able to be empathetic with your man when he is being vulnerable with you. It clears the air instantly, forgiveness happens instantly, and you keep this nice, safe, clear, environment.
THE BEAUTY OF VULNERABILITY
I said, “Thank you” to him. It actually taught me how to be able to be vulnerable with someone.
Surprisingly, it has been incredible! Do this with everybody! I have been doing it since then because I loved how it felt to be on the other side of someone who was really just being on the table, being extremely vulnerable and extremely open. Additionally, I realized that I was the safe one for them to be able to come to me and express that. By being vulnerable with someone, I was able to create that safe space, create intimacy, create communication and create connection.
THINKING VULNERABILITY SUCKS
Suck it up buttercup!
Get on with it!
I hurt your feelings? Are you kidding me?”
WITH ALL OF THIS IN MIND, LET YOUR MAN BE VULNERABLE
- Be a safe space.
- Start sharing yourself vulnerably and see what happens even though it might get scary!
- You may think that you might get hurt more. What is amazing is how you actually get hurt less when you’re with someone who is ‘safe’.
- Do not do this with somebody who is not safe! It’s not worth it. You’ll just get hurt.
- You get to trust yourself and know who is safe and who is not.
Learn How To Create A Safe Space, Be Vulnerable, And Love MORE!!!
With equal importance, are you ready to learn how to create a SAFE SPACE with your man, how to be VULNERABLE and OPEN, and how to step into your Feminine Power, because you have no freaking idea how to do what happened in this story, please CLICK HERE to connect with Heather Hundhausen for a breakthrough session.