woman with a cup of coffee in her hand, wondering why the perfect man she found doesn't call her back

The Journey to Finding the Perfect Man starts internally with YOU

After a DATE, He didn’t call back, text, or follow up?

How many different voices are in your head telling you what to do? 

Does it ever get overwhelming?


What does Self-awareness have to do with Finding the Perfect Man?  Self-awareness is when we wake up and discover that there are many different “parts” of us trying to get attention.  Our hind-brain wants to keep us safe, comfortable, and protected, our inner child wants a cookie, our healthy self wants to eat right and go to the gym, and our goddess self wants world peace.

Can you get world peace, tucked in your bed, eating cookies and then doing some yoga later?  Would that make all of the “parts” happy?

The trouble is learning which “voice” to listen to!  Many of us were programmed by our parents, our teachers, our religions, to be limited in our beliefs.  And, we still hear these limiting thoughts running through our heads, making decisions for us that go AGAINST what we actually want!

Even realizing that there are different “parts” is a great first step.


You go on a date. You have a great time. A few days go by, and you wonder why he isn’t calling back. You start freaking out. You wonder if you’re smart enough, good enough, if he liked you, if he’s ever going to call again. He seems to meet all the criteria on the check list. What if he’s the ONE and you aren’t ENOUGH for him!? Panic sets in.

But who’s panic is it?


In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, there is a metaphor that uses a bus to describe all of the different voices in your head.  The driver of the bus is the one making the decisions, but she’s listening to all of the other “voices” tell her what to do.

Maybe, go 80 miles an hour and turn left sounds something like “jump into this unhealthy, abusive, alcoholic relationship because it is going to be so much FUN and excitement!”

Or perhaps the whoa, slow it down to 20mph and take the next right turn is your mom’s voice, trying to control everything again?

people sitting in a bus, symbolizing the question who is driving your life bus?


I was working with a client on her relationships and attracting the perfect man.  When we finally got REALLY clear about what she DID want, she realized it was directly in conflict with one of her other voices!  The voice she had been taught to listen to!  We worked together to discover which voice she wanted to listen to, and what the price was that she would have to pay, if she continued listening to the voice that was limiting her.  She was absolutely amazed to learn that she had been listening to 2 conflicting voices, and that was the reason she was having so much trouble!


Who drives your bus most of the time?  Let me know in the comments, or if it’s too personal to put publicly, Private message me so we can chat about it.