All About Boundaries

What is a boundary? I remember the first time someone said I didn’t have boundaries, and that I needed more boundaries, I thought, “what does that mean?”

What are Boundaries?

They are knowing

  • what you think,
  • what you care about,
  • what is important to you,
  • what your needs are, and
  • making sure that you don’t give those things away in relationship with others.

Having personal boundaries is a way to make sure that you aren’t being used; that others aren’t taking advantage of you, and that you are getting your needs met in relationship. It is a form of loving yourself.

little girl is playing in the sand on the ocean, symbolizing the difficulties of setting boundaries

Setting Boundaries

This can be done with love, and compassion.

There is a clear path to learning how to set your boundaries. The first, and most important part of this path is to experience your feelings.

When we allow ourselves to feel our feelings, we allow ourselves to know ourselves on a deep level. We become aligned with our beliefs and even our higher self. Our higher self is always guiding us, and is using our emotional reactions to allow us to know what the correct actions are to take. From feeling all of our feelings fully, we get in touch with our intuition.

How to Use Anger to Set Boundaries

The feelings that help us with our boundaries are our experiences of anger.

Many people think anger is a “BAD” emotion, but loving ourselves actually comes from knowing your anger. Knowing your limits helps you know how to set them.

Many people have been taught that anger is bad. Many people have experienced the DESTRUCTION that comes with anger. Many people have no idea that anger can be used to CREATE. It can be used to win-win negotiate and solve problems.

What Happens When Someone Doesn’t Allow Themselves to Feel Anger

When someone doesn’t allow themselves to experience their anger, they often find themselves avoiding conflict.

When we avoid conflict, nothing gets resolved, and our anger usually increases because what we want is not happening. We become victims or doormats, and others know we wont stand up for ourselves, so they use us. When this happens, we become more victimized, and feel more like a doormat. The cycle is viscous.

Breaking Free

To break free, we need to learn to get in touch with our anger. As we learn to get in touch with our anger, and learn how to appropriately deal with conflict, we actually start creating peace in our lives, instead of resentment and revenge.

Are you ready to start finding your boundaries, getting what you want, stop being a victim/doormat, and learn how to resolve conflict and create peace?