What does it mean to be vulnerable in a relationship? Does the idea of being vulnerable frighten you? What would it be like to overcome any fears of intimacy and have a close, intimate and connected relationship? Welcome to ME TIME! Above Photo by Alan Emery on Unsplash
Tantra Tuesdays in our ME TIME video series is a time for you to learn some amazing tips and tools to make your relationship better.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE VULNERABLE IN A RELATIONSHIP – 3 WAYS TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS OF OPENING UP
What do you think is affected the most when your relationship isn’t strong?
When your relationship is strong, would you say your body is affected too? I read an article recently from Fox News about the 7 ways your relationship affects your health, Check It Out.
What would you say are the top health concerns when you are in a relationship without intimacy, vulnerability and connection?
To sum up the article, here are the top health concerns:
- Weight gain
- Stress levels increase
- Sleep problems
If that doesn’t catch your attention… I don’t know what WILL make you want a close, intimate and connected relationship!!
I wanted to start out today’s topic of what does it mean to be vulnerable in a relationship by letting you all know that IF YOU’RE SCARED OF INTIMACY YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I have worked with people who never married the person they live with for over 20 years due to fear of intimacy!
I just spoke with a new client yesterday describing the amazingness and how incredible it can be to be so closely connected with someone, and so deeply SEEN in an open relationship. He admitted, “That sounds awesome and TOO SCARY!” When I shared that most of my clients admit that they are freaked out, he was SO RELIEVED that he is not the only one!
Do You Feel Shame When You See Yourself?
Some people are just too afraid to see themselves because there is too much shame. And, they are even more afraid to have someone else see them. My favorite part of being a coach is that I get to show people what it means to truly be loved and supported. I get to show people.
NONE OF YOU ARE BROKEN. YOUR FEELINGS WONT KILL YOU. THEY ARE THERE TO GUIDE YOU. NO ONE IS TOO BAD TO BE LOVED. NO ONE IS TOO GROSS, TOO DISGUSTING, OR TOO UNLOVABLE. THERE IS NO SUCH THING.
Are You Connected to Source Energy?
You have just simply convinced yourself that you are not connected to source energy, to God, to the universe, and that you are as beautiful as a flower that blooms on the branch.
There is Something Wrong With You …
It’s your human brain telling you there is something wrong with you. It’s really ridiculous when you stop and thing about it. A squirrel doesn’t get anxious that he doesn’t have enough nuts for the winter. He just collects more nuts until winter comes. He also doesn’t get depressed and lay in bed thinking, I don’t know if I have it in me to go collect nuts today… He just goes and collects nuts until there aren’t any more.
But it’s true. Our BELIEF SYSTEMS about being UNLOVABLE keep us from being OPEN and VULNERABLE. We have been hurt before, so we are afraid to be HURT AGAIN.
I read recently that FEAR OF REJECTION is as painful as actually cutting your arm off! In your brain, it’s interpreted the same way.
3 WAYS TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS OF OPENING UP!
#1 Practice Being Open
When someone triggers you, have you noticed the reaction in your body? Do you feel yourself tighten up? The horn blows and the walls go up. Yet, when someone is loving or does something nice for you, there are no walls. You are relaxed and the calls of war are silenced. Imagine the difference between being CONSTRICTED and BEING RELAXED. Practice.
#2 Practice Being Vulnerable
Vulnerability can totally suck! I literally have a webpage I grabbed and a podcast I want to start about how much being vulnerable totally sucks. As much as it can suck, it can be really amazing. Until you do allow yourself to open up and be vulnerable, you wont realize the amazing benefits. Vulnerability can be the most awesome and actually EASIEST thing you’ve ever done, but you were just so scared to jump (for fear of getting hurt) that you never did it.
When you can do this, you get to:
- FEEL ALL of your own feelings and SHARE them VULNERABLY with your partner who LISTENS intently to you and loves you anyway
- CARE DEEPLY about each other in an intimate, connected, vulnerable way
- Know your INNER CHILD and see the INNER CHILD of your partner
- Actually SEE each other deeply,
- SHARE openly with each other without judgment of the self or the other.
I spent so much of my time trying to be “Good”, people pleasing, and making others happy. I was literally AFRAID of speaking my own mind. I was afraid if I asked for what I needed, I would get rejected, or made fun of, or even worse, yelled at. I learned how to get what I needed or wanting WITHOUT being straightforward, and it usually came with a HUGE COST. Resentment being the #1 thing I gained. Self respect and the feeling of freedom being the thing I lost. In trying to get what I want, I would give up a piece of myself to make you happy, which of course left me feeling less than/bad about myself.
Then, I would blame YOU in my mind! That is crazy making!
NOW I have learned
- to SPEAK MY MIND,
- actually SAY WHAT I’M THINKING,
- have boundaries,
- and ask for what I need!
I’m a big girl, if you can’t give me what I need, I am sure I will figure out a way to get it, but it sure is nice when my partner can support me. When I don’t ask, I definitely don’t get.
#3 Use Your Imagination!
- Start with what you can IMAGINE. Create WHAT YOU WANT with your imagination. You begin creating ANYTHING in your mind first. You want to be able to see it, so you know what you want to step into.
- Imagine a relationship where you get to BE YOURSELF COMPLETELY
You TRUST your partner COMPLETELY
If you do NOT trust your partner, TRUST YOURSELF TO KNOW THAT!!!!!!!
Don’t FORCE yourself to trust someone you don’t trust!
I used to do that!
I wanted to be a good girl so bad, I would convince myself to trust someone that had proven to me, time and time again, that they were not trustworthy!
You TRUST YOURSELF to not hurt your partner, not act out in revenge, because you have come to terms with your own SHAME.
You know your own triggers, and when your partner triggers you, you know how to manage yourself and not react.
For me it was not being a good girl or being good enough. If I felt threatened, I would act out. Now that I own my shame stories (at least the ones I’ve worked through up to this point) I can accept what others say about me, and own it.
Yes, I did that. Yes, that is me. Yes, I do that stupid crap too sometimes. When you can’t OWN yourself fully, you react to the person who knows how to stick their finger in those wounds!
Who is ready for some homework to learn how to stop being scared of intimacy and start creating?
Homework for the video: What does it mean to be vulnerable in a relationship?
- WRITE OUT your vision of INTIMACY
- write out what you’d like to have in a relationship
You CAN NOT REACH IT if you don’t let yourself see it! When you can see it, you can actually work towards it!
If you have any questions or comments about our topic on what does it mean to be vulnerable in a relationship today, leave them below.
I appreciate you!! THANK YOU for taking time out of your day. Take a moment and pat yourself on the back, give yourself a hug, and say THANK YOU to yourself for spending some time in a way that give back to YOU!
I work one on one with women guiding them to this beautiful self love, and awesome, open sex life. I am working on an on-line program for you to increase your sense of self love coming soon. Stay tuned.
Join my FACEBOOK GROUP to catch the Live Me Time Videos or you can CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE AND SUBSCRIBE. For the next few weeks, I’m planning on going live every day 11:00 AM (Eastern Time) to show you how SELF LOVE is at the root of ALL HEALING and not having it is the root of ALL PROBLEMS. Every day is a different Me Time topic. Today’s topic was, What does it mean to be vulnerable in a relationship – 3 ways to overcome the fear of vulnerability.