two people standing on the ocean, holding hands and watching a sailboat, having good relationship rules

What are the relationship rules by which you are playing?  WELCOME TO ME TIME Where we will cover the 6 Ways to Play the Game of Love and WIN!!!

Wifey Wednesday Me Time is a time for YOU to learn some amazing tips and tools for how to be a better wife, how to make your relationship work effortlessly, or how to prepare for when the love of your life enters into the picture!  Thank you for joining me Love Coach Heather Hundhausen! As a powerful, world changing woman, I know that catching a little time for yourself can be a challenge, and I promise to deliver BIG INFO today that will support you in bringing peace to your home.

I help guide women like you, who are struggling between Being in Control and SURRENDER to create their OWN LIGHT which of course, influences the world around them.

For the next few weeks, I’m planning on going live every day to show you how SELF LOVE is at the root of ALL HEALING and not having it is the root of ALL PROBLEMS.   We have different topics every day.

Above photo by Andreas Rønningen on Unsplash 


Creating Good Relationship Rules: It’s Tough to Create a Healthy Relationship Without Role Models

If you didn’t have a HEALTHY relationship to model growing up, you may have tried to CREATE one by having relationship rules, guidelines, or a formula to follow.

I know; I was there. I did that. I tried to follow the formula. And for those formula followers, I am SO SORRY to tell you that the formula is never going to work in an intimate relationship. The formula is only going to keep you disconnected and separate.

The juicy closeness in intimate relationship comes when you throw the formula out, SURRENDER to what is, and go with what’s happening inside of you, feeling it completely, letting yourself be seen and sharing it with the person you love. You can do this when you allow yourself to be completely self-expressed. When you learn to let the walls of protection down and come into your true self, by loving yourself completely. Our pain and suffering comes from ATTACHMENT to what we believe it true. We get to learn how our beliefs were formed, so we can find new, more supportive beliefs, and learn to detach from those that cause us so much pain and suffering.

6 Ways How To Not Strangle Your Relationship With RULES And Stay In The Flow

6 specific things you can do to keep your relationship FLOWING, and prevent it from getting stagnant, stuffed, naggy and suffocated! No one likes to NAG, so let’s learn how to stop! No one wants to feel abandoned… or suffocated…, so let’s stop! If you have any questions about relationship rules, please write them in the comments!


#1 Our Own Relationship Rules And His Relationship Rules Don’t Match Anyway, So Throw Them Out

  • Where did you get your relationship rules from?
  • Where did he get his relationship rules from?
  • DO you know that you are playing this relationship game together because you enjoy triggering each other?



When you trigger each other, you discover your LIMITATION. When you discover your limitation, you can GROW into your full self! You can GROW in LOVE! Love doesn’t have RULES.


#2 Keep your boundaries, throw out the rules – make agreements together and KEEP the INTENTION of LOVE

CLARIFICATION: Rules aren’t boundaries, you need boundaries – Making AGREEMENTS. Rules are strict and punishable. Agreements aren’t I’m right and you are wrong. “You did it wrong, do it better, do it my way, my way is the best. What is wrong with you?!”

This is taking your shame and throwing it on someone you supposedly love.

You aren’t actually experiencing LOVE in the moment, because love would not do that, it’s just not what loving someone is. Even if you experienced self love, you wouldn’t do that, because it’s just not what love is.

  • What are your RULES about LOVE?
  • How are people who are in LOVE SUPPOSED to act?
  • What do you think?
  • Is there a WAY to act?
broken pier in a lake, symbolizing bad relationship rules

Photo by Tom Butler on Unsplash

Do you realize this is ridiculous?

LOVE is a FEELING. It’s a DEEP heart offering. Click To Tweet

It’s GOD flowing through you. It’s in the moment. It’s like tears. There is no RIGHT WAY to do SADNESS or CRY. It just happens. Love is like that.

But we have contorted it in our society, and twisted it, and made all of these rules and attachments to behavior.

When all else fails, bring yourself back into the LOVE. BRING UP the INTENTION of LOVE into your heart.

When love is in your heart, it’s very hard for anything else to exist there. Click To Tweet

All of your words change when you saturate them with love.

If you HAVE TO HAVE a FORMULA – the FORMULA would be –

  • hold the intention of LOVE in your heart,
  • feel your feelings,
  • and express them through the LOVE energy.
  • Allow yourself to be SEEN by someone you TRUST.


#3 Expectations are premeditated resentment

This is one of my favorite quotes. If you EXPECT something from someone, like your husband to take out the trash, then when he DOESN’T, you will resent him.


YOU are causing all of your own pain in this example. People are only able to do what they are able to do!

a boy looking for a car ride in the forest, bad relationship rules

Photo by Atlas Green on Unsplash

Now, here’s a tricky part… MEN, who as you all know, I think are beautiful, amazing creatures, and when treated with respect and honored, will do nothing less than to try to make us happy and take care of us ALL THE TIME…

BUT! What we don’t UNDERSTAND is that they will have expectations of us that we aren’t aware of, but ALL of them understand it.

Let me go on a tangent and explain this one… actually, I’ll do this one next week. If you want to learn about something ALL MEN KNOW, but women just don’t understand, and a little secret about men, tune in to the next WifeyWednesdayMeTime for more!

#4 Release attachment

ATTACHMENT – this causes ALL of our pain. Meditation brings us into the present moment because our thoughts cause us pain. The present moment is where our pleasure and joy is. Rules come from fear, trying to protect, and trying to prevent something from happening. When you are attached to pain, you need rules

#5 Live with both FREEDOM and LOVE

Living FREE – we all desire to be loved, and we all desire freedom. The #1 mistake we make in relationships is not understanding that you can have BOTH. You don’t own your partner. You cannot control your partner.

Embrace this knowledge: One day, you will die, your partner will die, you will leave, he will leave, you will betray him, or he will betray you. When you can EMBRACE this TRUTH, which NONE of us can escape, you are then FREE. When you can sit with the PAIN of this TRUTH… you are free.

a couple, the woman is sitting on her partner's lap, hugging and cuddling, good relationship rules

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

#6 Stop Avoiding Pain

It’s AVOIDING THE PAIN that causes us the trouble and the RULE making.

We get to get comfortable and familiar with our pain and our shame. Then, we aren’t afraid of it. It’s like swimming for the first time. When you don’t know how to swim, its terrifying. When you learn how to swim, it’s a blast (especially naked Swimming) and it becomes something you LOOK forward to. Think about pain like that. Instead of trying to avoid it, or avoid our feelings, we start looking forward to being IN them and sharing them, because we know that it will lead us to PEACE and knowing ourselves. You get to learn what it’s like to let the walls down and come into your TRUE SELF, by loving yourself completely.

You get to learn what it is like to love yourself completely! Click To Tweet


Who wants to work on this tangibly and make peace happen in their life?


  • Write down your biggest fear in the relationship.
  • OWN it.
  • If you can’t find a fear, then find a PAIN and OWN IT.

The biggest PROBLEM in relationships is bringing old pains, and fears into the present moment. We do that because we are not resolved INSIDE ourselves.

Creating peace and deep connected love in your relationship comes from coming to terms with your own pain, shame, fear, anger and resentment.

Other videos in the Wifey Wednesday Me Time video series:

Of course, if you want more information on how exactly to do this right now, you can work with me one on one. I am creating workshops over the summer to teach self-love, and will be offering an on-line workshop in a few months, so stay tuned!

Please share this video with your friends so they can get this juicy information too! You can also subscribe to my YouTube channel for more videos on Loving yourself and so much more!

PS: Join our Facebook Beautifully Authentic group to connect with other like minded and heart centered women so you can learn self-love, and create peace in your lives too.

I appreciate you!! THANK YOU for joining me to learn more about good relationship rules! Thank yourself for taking the time out of your busy schedule to take some ME TIME! You need it every day! Make sure you acknowledge yourself for doing something to support yourself, through learning, and caring about yourself! You are on the road to Self love already! Congratulations!