Do you have a hard time to keep peace with a spouse? Think of how triggered you get when you are upset with your spouse. How does it affect your entire day? Don’t you just want to strangle him sometimes? Just hearing him breathe can be annoying. Check out what love and relationship coach Heather Hundhausen shares about keeping peace with your better half in her Wifey Wednesday Me Time talk. Photo source pixabay.com, pexel.com
Do You Have Challenges to Keep Peace with Your Spouse When You’re Triggered?
These may be some things that trigger you to lose your PEACE:
- Maybe he hasn’t completed that project yet.
- Maybe he’s being lazy and laying around the house, and it appears he is doing nothing?
- Maybe he’s working too much and not paying attention to you?
- Maybe he is saying you’re too “sensitive, or emotional?”
- Maybe you are doing all of this personal work, and he’s not?
It’s so frustrating when we get triggered, and we cannot keep peace with a spouse. I plan on showing you how SELF LOVE is at the root of ALL HEALING and not having it is the root of ALL PROBLEMS.
Here’s exactly what I’m going to share: The FOUR things you can do next time you lose your PEACE after being triggered in your own home!
4 Ways On How To Keep Peace With a Spouse When You’re Upset:
#1 – THINK ABOUT ME TIME!
Come back to ME! Don’t forget, your love comes from INSIDE of you! So, STOP!
- TAKE A BREAK
- TAKE A BREATH
- TAKE A BATH
- TAKE A WALK
Take a Time Out!!!
Whatever it is for you, TAKE A TIME OUT! We don’t use time out with our kids appropriately. In my parenting class, I teach parents about how time out actually WORKS, instead of it being a punishment, we can use it as a time to regroup, ground ourselves, and clear.
- First of all, CALM DOWN, get re-centered, think about what is happening, and how we actually want to behave.
- Then, DON’T REACT. Instead, take a time out.
Example: I politely excuse myself and go to the bathroom every time I get triggered!
#2 – KNOW WHEN YOU ARE TRIGGERED
You can actually FEEL it inside of your body! Think about it. Think about a feeling of calm and peace. Feel the way you would like to feel all of the time. Isn’t it amazing how you can simply feel that as soon as you put your attention on it!?
#3 – HOLD YOUR BOUNDARIES! Don’t give up yourself to accommodate your man.
I KNOW this can be very hard. One of my best friends calls it “being aware that a man is on the premises.” You can’t help but notice that he’s there, notice what he needs, wants, and sometimes withholding it from him!
Here is a personal example of this for me, I can’t meditate or work with my man on the premises! Does that mean that I need to kick him out? NO!
Does it feel like I do!?
Have the Courage to Take Care of Yourself
I got to have the COURAGE to take care of MYSELF first and ask for what I need.
You are losing your peace because you are giving up your boundaries. This topic is covered IN DEPTH in my one on one coaching program with my VIP clients.
- We trace boundaries back to the inability to feel and express our anger… and we trace that back to the feeling of lack of self-worth.
- We fill the lack of self-worth with self-love, show you that your feelings matter, show you how to access those feelings, and then use them to take action in your life, in this case by setting LOVING BOUNDAIRES!
#4 – COMMUNICATION – of course, this is how you actually make progress INSIDE of the relationship.
So many people screw this up. They think that communication is what is needed to make a relationship work and to keep peace with a spouse.
What you need is;
- know yourself
- know what you need
- know what triggers you
- how to calm down
- know where your boundaries are and how to set them
Focus on Creating an Effective Communication
THEN… AND ONLY THEN… is communication effective!!!!!!!! Don’t go trying to communicate when you’re triggered. I promise, it wont work. You need to know YOU before you try to understand someone else.
So often, we don’t feel HEARD in our relationships.
Start with YOU hearing YOU!
- Have you heard your own story?
- Have you worked out the details?
- Have you figured out what you need and what went wrong?
This is the juicy stuff that having a really good coach is awesome for! Your coach can take the time to work through all of this with you so YOU know YOU and YOU feel HEARD!
Then, you can take it to your partner, and since you have already felt heard, by yourself, it doesn’t really matter if your spouse hears you. What matters is that you set your boundaries, ask for what you need, and make agreements moving forward.
What matters is that your partner respects your boundaries, and what matters more than that is that you HOLD your boundaries when your partner tries to cross them. THIS IS WHERE KEEP PEACE WITH A SPOUSE IS MADE!
Who wants to work on this tangibly and make peace happen in their life?
- Practice FEELING what it FEELS like in your body when you are triggered. The first step is awareness.
- Give yourself triggers.
- Experience it. See what it FEELS like when your body shuts down, closes off. Play with this. Let it be your guide. It’s the FIRST step to knowing how to do this differently.
Of course, if you’re wanting more information on how exactly to do this right now, you can work with me one on one. I am creating workshops over the summer to teach self-love, and will be offering an on-line workshop in a few months, so stay tuned! I appreciate you!!
THANK YOU for joining me!
Other videos in the Wifey Wednesday Me Time video series:
PS: Join our Facebook Beautifully Authentic group to connect with other like minded and heart centered women!