a couple cuddling together, how to get more sex from your spouse without pressuring him

Don’t you want to know how to get more sex from your spouse? Let’s be real here, men aren’t the only ones who get extricable pleasure and excitement from sex! And sometimes, we can’t get it from them!? Why is this happening? Don’t men want to have sex with women all the time? This can be infuriating to a woman with a high sex drive, and can really crush your ego when you believe that all men want sex all the time, but not with you.

I’m here to relieve you, and let you know, there are very specific things we can be doing to get him to have sex with us more often.

Today is TUESDAY TANTRA ME TIME with Love Coach Heather Hundhausen! I help guide powerful, world changing women, who are struggling between SURRENDER and Being in Control to create their OWN LIGHT which of course, influences the world around them.

For the next few weeks, I’m planning on going live every day to show you how SELF LOVE is at the root of ALL HEALING and not having it is the root of ALL PROBLEMS.

OK – here’s some RAW and PERSONAL background story on the subject how to get more sex from your spouse. I have a REALLY high sex drive. I would say that only 20% of my lovers were able to keep up with my sexual appetite. SO, I have learned a LOT on this subject, and I’m happy to teach you what REALLY works…

How to Get More Sex From Your Spouse Without Pushing Them Away

It got so bad, that the women in my women’s group would tease me and say, “Heather, how are you creating this? Why do NONE of your partners want to have sex with you?” It wasn’t just sex every once in a while, it was like, I really figured out how to push them away!!!!

But now, lets get really RAW


Rejection Totally Sucks!

As much as having your arm cut off according to one study I read. No one wants to be rejected, and it’s happening for many reasons. I’m not going to address ALL of the reasons here today, because I just have too much JUICY CONTENT to give you, and I want #MeTime to be something quick you can do every day. If you want to know the REASONS your man rejects you, I can do a talk on that, so just let me know in the comments. I’m here to offer you solutions. You get to let me know what the problems are!!

HOW to make him WANT YOU… not reject you… Because, I promise, I’m a pro at this now!

HOW TO GET MORE SEX FROM YOUR SPOUSE WITHOUT PRESSURING HIM: 11 ways to keep your sex life hot and juicy and ready to go


If he feels pressured or controlled, what can you do to help to NOT pressure him? Set him free! Take on some of the burden, start by at least UNDERSTANDING the burden. In my marriage, my husband felt he was carrying all of the weight. I didn’t care. Then I wanted to be connected to him sexually, he wasn’t interested in being close to a woman who didn’t support him. More on that in #wifeywedneday

Photo by Ethan Sykes on Unsplash

Imagine this: he feels like there is too much expense, the kids are growing, he’s not sure if his boss loves him, if he will get promoted or fired, and he’s worried about providing for you and the kids, who are going to college… someday… A man feels the need to provide deep inside of himself.

If he’s NOT doing it the way he wants, he feels HEAVY and burdened. No one wants to have sex when they’re feeling heavy and burdened. If you can lighten the load, he will appreciate you, and probably want to have sex with you. THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH BEING THE PROVIDER! That’s a talk on boundaries, which is always available on the beautifully authentic web page as a download for you to learn RIGHT NOW.

# 2 Free Bird

Make sure he feels free! He needs to feel free. Like, FREE BIRD. This is why they watch football. They are claiming their freedom. It’s a basic need for men to feel free. Are you smothering him? Demanding things? Sucking his energy?

Or are you loving but not attached. Noticing his accomplishments and encouraging him to have more?

#3 Create The Mood By Being Vulnerable

  • Not candles and music… although that will give him a clue…
  • Get his heart open.
  • Be vulnerable.
  • Let him see you
  • Let him take care of you.

This gets them excited – If you’re COLD and HARD – he wont have sex with you. Doesn’t matter how “sexy” you are

#4 Find Out What Is Sexy For Him And Do It

Find out HIS sexy! What is sexy to him? For some men, it’s you jumping around like tigger, dressing like a teenager, putting on a strap on, wearing black lingerie, or wearing an oversized sweatshirt! You wont know if you don’t ask. If he is offended by black lingerie, and you put some on to get him in the mood because you made up that all men like black lingerie, you will be sadly disappointed AND rejected… which no one likes.

Photo by Petr Ovralov on Unsplash

#5 Make sexy innuendos for later in the day and KEEP YOUR PROMISE

Guess what the MOST important part of this one is?

Keep your promise!

If you DON’T – he wont believe you the next time.

And you actually lose some of his trust! So, really, don’t do this unless you really plan on delivering… I don’t care if you get your period, or a headache or your kid throws up… you follow through. You can revert to number 3 by GETTING VULNERABLE if something bad happens, and let him see you, but he’s still going to just want to have sex with you if you promised it earlier.

If you can’t keep your promise no matter what, don’t make a promise. Its really not worth the pain you’ll cause the relationship.

#6 Don’t Criticize Him In The Bedroom

If you don’t like something, definitely redirect him, tell him what you DO like, he wants to know and he wants to do it. It’s an ego boost to get you excited! Then, let him know what you don’t like OUTSIDE of the bedroom, but don’t be critical. Don’t crush his ego. And sandwich it between 2 compliments.

“Honey, you are AMAZING when you do that thing with your tongue, but sometimes, your beard hurts me and makes me want to stop. But I don’t want to stop, because you make me feel amazing!”

#7 Take Charge

If HE’S TIRED: Be in charge and let him know you will be. You can do a sexy dance, give oral sex. ONLY do this if he’s just simply tired… I remember once making a bet and saying the reward was a blowjob. You’d think he’d won the lottery! He was so excited! Sometimes, they need foreplay from you too.

#8 Drive Through Sex

If he’s tired, offer a drive through sex. Its quick, he gets what he wants, and he doesn’t have to do anything.

#9 Body Image Issues

You know how some days you feel fat and bloated and no body better touch you so you pretend you have a headache and your period? He feels like that sometimes too. Men also have body image issues. You can’t really do anything about this one, he gets to handle his issues about his body. But, you CAN let him know how attractive he is to you (although it doesn’t make much difference – and could actually hurt.

Men have TRUTHS about themselves, and when you cant see their TRUTH, they take it personally. So, if he thinks he’s fat and you say he’s not, he thinks, “you’re a liar and I can’t trust you.” He doesn’t think, “aww, that’s nice.” Instead, try saying something like, “it doesn’t matter to me what size you are, I love you no matter what.”

Also, when we are truly CONNECTED to each other, in tantra, we don’t care what we LOOK like, we care that we are being SEEN. Eye gazing keeps your eyes off each other’s bodies and into each other’s souls. Tell him you just want to see his heart or his soul. (Unless that would creep out your man. Some men aren’t ready for intimacy because in our culture, they’re taught that kind of vulnerability, intimacy and closeness is just NOT what MEN do).

However, You could also ask for a massage. It is an opportunity for him to look at your naked body. You facing away from him takes the focus off his body.

#10 Don’t Grab It If He’s Not In The Mood

Don’t go straight for IT … As fascinating as they are because you don’t have one… they really don’t like it any more than we do if they’re not in the mood. Tender touching, massaging, and making him feel loved is great. Go for the other erogenous zones… and include #11 to make him wild.

#11 Talk To Him, Words Matter

Tell him how he makes you feel. Tell him how he makes you happy, satisfied, pleasured, loved, content, taken care of, provided for… it can be sexy talk, or just every day talk.

Photo by Jeremy Wong on Unsplash

He feels SEEN when you tell him what he’s doing to make you happy and pleasured. If you tell him that you get wet just thinking about how he does that little trick with his tongue in your mouth, or whatever it is… he’s going to open his eyes wide and look straight at you. If you play just a little coy… just a little out of reach… look out. He will pounce on you.


Your homework:

  • Ask yourself what you are doing to pressure him? Is it in the bedroom? In the bank account? With the kids?
  • Is it his job and you aren’t supporting him?

Find out where you are pressuring him, and if you aren’t getting the sexual attention you need and desire, then LET UP on the pressure! Unless you’re putting the pressure right behind his sack… they really like that.

I work one on one with women guiding them to this beautiful self love, and awesome, open sex life. If you listened to this today and were like OMG, I do so much of that, no wonder I’m not getting any sex from my man! And you want to do something about it RIGHT NOW, then schedule a breakthrough session with me. We will get you straightened out and heading on the right path.

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I appreciate you!! Thank you for being OPEN enough to listen to this whole talk! Thank you for LOVING yourself enough to learn new things so you can get your needs, wants and desires met! You being here shows you how much YOU MATTER TO YOU! And that’s really important. And hey, worst case scenario, if he doesn’t take the time to make love with you… make sure you love and pleasure yourself the best you can!

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