Do you leave the light on during sex? FYI – in this video, I will be referring to MEN and WOMEN, although I know that many people choose same sex relationships, or even open relationships, for the sake of the conversation, I will be using the male/female relationship as the example. Please know if you are LGBTQ that I am not leaving you out!! Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash.
Building self esteem in children is easier said than done. We all have an INNER CHILD who has wounds that we are healing. And many of us hope to be mothers in the future, and many of us are care taking little ones, as teachers, aunties, etc… We are all building self-esteem in children. Photo by Ben White on Unsplash.
Which Feminine Divine do you relate most to? A female prophet who was preaching to a women’s group posed a question to me recently, ‘Are you Esther or Deborah?’
I was unclear about who Deborah and Esther were in the bible, but quickly came to understand what she was talking about. Probably more so through the spirit of the living God in the room and the feminine divine.
She was talking about the powerful, leading, energetically masculine, Warrior Goddess, Deborah. The prophet of God. The woman who takes all, leaves no prisoners, and leads an army into righteousness by taking lands. She was winning and conquering!
In other words, The Prophetess Deborah.
On the other hand, she was talking about Esther. The soft, nurturing, comforting, beautiful, quiet, influencing, powerful nature of the Feminine Divine, Esther.
Like Deborah, she too was a woman of strength and dignity.
The talk was about relating to one or the other. Noticing where your power lies, as a woman. Are you more of a Deborah or an Esther? Which Feminine Divine do you most relate most? Neither is better nor worse. Both are incredibly powerful, and useful in the right TIME. The key is, being able to access BOTH.
I know, traditionally, for me, it has been nearly impossible to access the Esther. The story line in my head, of my life experiences, is that men are not trust-worthy, and they will lead you astray. They will look at a women outside of their marriages, women much younger than them. They will say inappropriate things to other men’s wives, they will cheat, leave, lie, and manipulate to get what they want. My role models for men, and for women, were like this.
I was taught mixed messages. Be a strong woman, provide for yourself, never depend on a man. He will not take care of you. On the other hand, be sure to marry a rich man so you’ll never have to worry bout money. Manipulate men to get what you want. WHAT?! These conflicting messages were not supportive and definitely were not the rich soil to plant a thriving, healthy marriage!
So, I chose to become a Deborah. I listen to God, and I am willing to go to battle for God. I am willing to be a warrior and fight for God.
In my first marriage, I was a warrior. I made all the decisions. Who was the boss? I was! I chose what we did, where we went, how we spent our time, where we put our money. I did NOT trust my husband. Being in relationship with me gave him NO room to step into his Divine Masculine Power, so he would try to get power in covert and manipulative ways. He would literally break down walls in our house to try to assert himself.
Our marriage broke down because he wasn’t able to say what he wanted. I definitely didn’t give him space, or listen if he tried. I took out my warrior sword and shield and cut him down. There was no way for him to win.
In the same fashion, the marriage, obviously, eventually dissolved.
I am grateful for this. It taught me, loud and clear, that I could not be a Deborah all the time.
Men are not attracted to Deborah’s. They are attracted to submissive nurturing, beautiful Esther’s. They NEED Deborah, but they are not attracted to her.
That being said, I have spent the last 10 years learning about how to BE the Feminine Divine. I learned how to access my nurturing, supporting, loving, caring, submitting feminine. Most days, I hate it. I honestly hate that marriage vows in the bible have the woman say she will OBEY her man! I will NEVER obey a man, screams my ego! It feels like prison.
Yet, as I learn what that means, I understand the genus of it.
In the story of Esther, she is a genius. First of all, she starts all of her sentences with. “If it please My Lord..” and then, she feeds him! After that he then asks her what she wants. He wants to give it to her so badly. Whatever it is she wants. Then again, she makes him wait to hear what she wants, and invites him again to a dinner that she puts together! He continues to beg of her to tell him what she wants. She says, “If it pleases My Lord, The King…” Then, she asks to not be killed. Of course he doesn’t want to kill her! She has done so many lovely and beautiful things for him! She obeys him and submits herself to him. HE WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF HER, PROVIDE FOR HER AND PROTECT HER!
This is what happens when a woman obeys her man. He wants to provide for her. It brings out the best in him. It brings out his masculine!
I remember when I was dating Aubrey. The more beautiful she would become, with her long, flowing dresses and her beautiful make-up, the more it would make me want to “escort” her. I wanted to open her door, take her out, pay for her. It was an incredible feeling to have that masculine need to provide come up inside of me being with such a lovely and beautiful woman. And,.. I am a Woman!! This lesson taught me that men love a beautiful, lovely, graceful woman. It brings out their desire to protect them and provide for them.
I had a similar experience when I recently went to a “learn how to erotic dance” class. The part that affected me the most was the slight insecurity of the woman learning to dance, but taking it full on and doing their best!
Every woman, of all shapes and sizes, sexuality and age, has an innate sexiness. That sexiness is expressed in different ways, and in all woman. Some are coy. Some woman are wild and courageous.
Some move slowly and shy, others move aggressively and with strength. ALL of them were absolutely beautiful and made me realize that the man watching will be pleased with all of it. He will just watch and be a witness to the sensuality of a woman. Her curves, her beauty and the way she moves. It’s natural for a man. It makes him yearn for her and want to take care of her. After learning this class, my man literally was shaking and said, “You’ve ruined me”.
I remember being at a seminar once where men encircled woman and they danced. Then, they switched. The woman encircled the men and they danced. When the men danced, they pounded. They pounded their chests, they grunted, they chanted, they jumped, they tossed each other around like in a mosh pit, they all got in a circle and jumped up and down together like gorillas, pounding their chests! It’s intense and warrior-like! There was a STARK contrast between men and women.
The difference between the Masculine and the Feminine Divine in this context was amazing. Men are hard warrior fighters. Women are soft, flowing, beautiful, graceful creatures. The way the women moved was slow, sensual and flowy. Women were tossing their scarves, spinning around, spinning around each other, and throwing their hair around. It flowed. Their Feminine Divine surfaced.
I had a conversation with my yoga cowboy (this is the man I manifested after writing my “How to Find the Perfect Man” Webinar).
Basically, I asked God for a masculine, hands in the earth, cowboy type of man. He needed to be spiritual, so perhaps he did yoga. I will need to trust this man completely. He will probably be the first man I have ever trusted.
I remember the same preacher that I saw doing this talk, did another talk many years ago, and she said, “Whatever WORDS you SPEAK become reality!” So, I make sure to tell my yoga cowboy all the time how much I trust him, completely trust him. I now understand that trusting him comes entirely from ME… AND, I like to tell him all of the time how much I trust him. (This is very Esther of me). It calls forth his trustworthiness, shows him also that he is trustworthy, and that I not only am attracted to that, but that I depend on him for this. I truly do depend on his trustworthy nature. We would not be able to have the deep, connected, safe, intimate relationship we have if he wasn’t trustworthy.
I was crying to my yoga cowboy and in pain about this class I had attended saying, “I don’t know how to be an Esther.” I am able to tell him everything. Even things as vulnerable as this. Then he says to me, “Darlin, I think you are more of an Esther than you know”. This was such a big compliment! I allowed myself to receive it. I began looking at all the work I have done, and all of the many things I have learned to get here.
Later on, I was discussing this talk with my ex-husband, telling him about Esther and Deborah. His response was, “Yes, you were a Deborah in our marriage. However, something switched in you after you dated Aubrey. You now let me lead and make the decisions about our children and family. I don’t now how to step into it. You had always done it before (be the leader). You called out the man in me, and now I get to be the leader in my next relationship.
Perhaps I am accessing the Esther more and more everyday. I believe the most challenging part of the process is knowing WHEN to be the Esther and WHEN to be the Deborah. This is true to me because, as my pastor says, “Men are attracted to the Esther, but they NEED the Deborah.”
This balance is particularly what the world is missing right now. We have too many women as doormats, who are not using their power. Alongside them, we have too many overbearing, righteous, bitchy women, who are abusing their power and missing their grace. This leads to their children holding themselves small or being the over bearing child.
Now is the time to ask yourself which Divine Feminine do you relate with more?
If you’re struggling with your Divine Feminine Power, please reach out to me HERE and let’s connect to talk about how this is affecting your relationships and the possible small shifts and changes you could start to improve your connection with yourself, your family, and your creator!
Take the time to read the Story of Esther HERE when you get a chance. She truly is a genius in how she goes about saving the entire Jewish population from being slain by the King Xerxes. She is ruthless about it with so much grace!
I am frequently asked, “what is it like being vulnerable with someone?” I’m going to tell you a vulnerable story about something that happened this week with me and my man (who is the perfect man for me).
The Journey to Finding the Perfect Man starts internally with YOU