What is permissive parenting and how does this parenting style affect your child long term? In this video, we are going to look at how this plays out in the PERSONALITY development of the child and what the LONG TERM consequences are. This is where you will learn more about not only the effects of your parenting on your little people, but where you personally are still operating out of having parents who were too permissive.
The thing is, if you’re letting your kids off the hook, if you aren’t holding boundaries with them, if you aren’t holding boundaries with yourself, IT IS TIME TO START! If you don’t know how, reach out to me.
I’m Love Coach Heather Hundhausen! I help guide powerful world changing women, INCLUDING MOMS of course, because we influence the next generation, who are struggling between SURRENDER and Being in Control to create their OWN LIGHT which of course, influences the world around them, starting with the next generation, which of course is, our children.
What is Permissive Parenting?
I want to acknowledge you for taking a few minutes today for yourself to read this!
Whether you’re a mom or you are learning to re-parent your inner child, today we will be looking at the pros of setting healthy limits, and the cons of parenting that is too permissive. Being too permissive is on the opposite end of the spectrum from being too controlling or autocratic.
- Do you think your parents were too permissive?
- Do you think they were too controlling and autocratic, demanding?
- If you had to pick one category, which style of parenting did your parents fall into?
How Our Parents’ Parenting Skills Affect Ours
The way we parent our children, and the way we were parented,
- affects our sense of self esteem
- affects our personality
We make beliefs out of circumstances and situations that happened to us as children.
What Happens With Our Children Longterm When We are Permissive?
In this video about permissive parenting, You will see examples of times parents were permissive, and how it affected the child long term.
Here’s an example: You don’t hold yourself accountable because no one ever held you accountable when you were a child, because you had permissive parents.
You now do this, OR you are too controlling with your own children… although, you still struggle yourself with holding yourself accountable… because you’re still mad you were abandoned AND because you were never taught how to make decisions, have limits.
Working Towards Being Loving and Firm
We are working towards being loving and firm. Not too loving and “friends” with our children. Instead, having a healthy relationship, where we guide them, they trust us, and go out into the world with limits and boundaries so they feel safe to explore and come back to us.
YOU WANT to be accountable
Instead you procrastinate and end up telling yourself you’re not good enough, just the same way you felt as a child. You can stop doing this by re-parenting your inner child, dropping the emotional baggage and being loving and firm at the same time. (If you need support with this, feel free to reach out to me personally <- Book a call link here).
Permissive parenting looks like this:
Mom LOVES her kid more than everything, and feels that the child should be allowed to express himself freely at all times.
In permissive parenting, there are no limits or rules, either because the parent feels the child should be free, or because the parent is too afraid to set limits (perhaps because too many were set on her).
At the FAR end of permissive parenting, parents may believe that children actually aren’t mature enough to handle their own responsibilities so they don’t have high expectations of them.
Be The Parent
Some parents could become so exhausted and overwhelmed, feeling and thinking they can’t make the right decisions for their children, so they just leave the decisions up to the child.
In my opinion, this is crazy.
If you can’t figure it out as an adult, how will you figure it out as a child?
We are going to look at how this plays out in the PERSONALITY development of the child, and also, what the LONG TERM consequences of permissive parenting are…
This is where you will learn more about
- not only the effects of your parenting on your little people, but
- where you personally are still operating out of having parents who were too permissive.
What Permissive Parenting Is, How It Affects The Child’s Self Esteem, and The Long Term Effects
Imagine this scenario as a kid… You want to go out with your friends, but you know they are going to go do some things that are going to get you in trouble.
You ask your parents if you should go, and they either ignore you, aren’t there to ask, or say, sure, do whatever you want.
How do you feel?
He was communicating with me that he liked my stronger boundaries
My son told me the other day I wasn’t being my “mean” self.
He said, why are you being so nice?
I like it better when you are mean. Not the old mean from a long time ago, but the kind of mean you were last time I saw you? I told him he could take out the trash when we got home. Haha! I asked him, “there, is that mean enough?”
Be The Role ModelIf we don’t MODEL the boundaries for our children, they wont learn them for themselves. Click To Tweet
If you can’t say NO to a box of cookies, what makes you think you can:
- say no to your child eating a box of cookies
- eat all the cookies yourself (even if they don’t see you EAT the box of cookies, they can FEEL your shame – its an energy – and it’s transparent to kids)
What are you modeling for them?
A long time ago, I cant remember the details, when I was getting divorced, my x had REALLY bothered me. And I remember one of my kids started asking me SO many questions about it!
He could FEEL that I was upset, and wanted to know what was going on.
You cant hide from your children. And if you CAN hide from them, you are probably living your life pretty shut down and closed off.
Not vulnerable and open… which, as we have learned in all of these talks… lol… means not open to receiving LOVE, which your children want to give you more than anything.
It’s your JOB to care
If You Don’t Care …
I know I’m not speaking to ALL of you right now, but for those of you who are just TIRED of parenting, and are like “WHATEVER…”
Please know, Every moment you continue NOT CARING about your child, is another moment your child feels NOT CARED about, which turns into feeling not loved, like they don’t matter, and they aren’t important. Is that what you want?
If You Do Care …
If you DO CARE, and you know you are being WAY too permissive, maybe because your parents were way too smothering, controlling or strict, let’s get on the phone together to see what you can do to break through some of those beliefs and feelings that keep you from being 100% connected with your children.
I appreciate you!!
THANK YOU for spending time here today. Your kids will thank you. You will thank you. If you experience trouble implementing this, let me know. I’m here to support you.
When Parents Feel Ashamed To Ask For Help
I was a kid who’s parents desperately needed help, and they were too ashamed or cheap to reach out for it.
I’ve spend 25 years undoing that damage.
What I had to do is much more expensive than getting the support you need now, so that you feel confident in your parenting and your relationship, and know that your child is being raised in a healthy, loving AND firm environment with boundaries.
I promise you can change the chaotic, sabotaging lifestyle into one of peace. It took me 25 years to learn it… and I can usually teach it in less than 6 months one-on-one. Let me know if you’re ready.
Please reach out to me for a one-on-one breakthrough session. They are complimentary. During the call, we will explore all of the places you are stuck in parenting and self-love, and I will help to give you a road map for how to get unstuck! If you listened to this today, and thought, oh god, I know I’m having this trouble and more… then please, if you aren’t doing it for yourself, do it for your kids.